Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
