Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
