If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
