i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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