I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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