i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
