I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
