how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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