i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
