I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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