Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
