why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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