I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
