okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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