you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
