Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
