We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
