dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She bit a glass in half.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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