im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize