Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
