i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
