ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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