There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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