I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Where is the hickey?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
