yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
