drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
