look no pants
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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