I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
