we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How's work?
Spinning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
