i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
