We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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