i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
