what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
