I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
