Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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