Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
