the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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