it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
