loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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