U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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