his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
