So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
