Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You took a bar mat shot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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