dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
