I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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