You're my little dorito
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
