this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
