I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
