just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
