I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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