if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
