I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
