Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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