420 ftw
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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