I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
