It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
