You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
