Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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