Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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