I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
