how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
