..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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