I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
