Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
