I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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