Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
