Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
