does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
