They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize