Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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