do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
