sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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