saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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